German Invasion

Due to a certain unfortunate incidents the owner of this Blog had taken an abrupt leave. In the meantime I a GERMAN girl from Lüneburg (part time CIA undercover agent) have taken over. My name is PIA. Yeah yeah I know what you all are thinking....there are zillion songs in India with that name but fyi its a Italian name too. So now you know my name and slowly and gradually you will get to know bit more of me and I will get to know a bit more about you all.

THATS ME WHEN I WAS IN CIA COLLEGE
FRESHERS PARTY :D

I landed in Kolkata just few days back on a private jet. I was picked up from the airport by a junior agent and he took me to this safe house in Southern Avenue. What little I got to see of Kolkata on my way from the airport- out of the tinted glass was lots of people and lots of lights. It seemed a tremedously busy city atleast compared to where I come from. I have seen busier cities in my life but this one felt different.
Tuk Tuks which you all call Auto here is like evil bumble bee. It swarms out of control and stings. Dodging bullets are more easier than dodging Tuk Tuks. The Porsche that I was almost got a scratch. Now the Porsche is not mine its owned by the agency but if my ass is in it then it becomes my headache.
The place where I was taken it was not so crowded and it had lots of trees near it. I checked the topography on my i phone (a model which is custom made for CIA and will never get launched) and it seemed interesting. But by default rather than enjoying the place I started checking out the escape options. Its my bad habit but believe me this habit saved me from a lot of tricky spots.
At the safe house I was greeted by this Bengali family. They family name is Basu. The old Mr Basu is a professional masseur and Mrs Basu is a housewife who is also world's best dry ice bullet maker the same type of bullets which killed Trotsky. As a matter of fact it Mrs Basu's mother who made that particular one bullet for that comi (at least that what we were taught at CIA school). They were very warm people and they offered such lovely hot food. Both the Basus are brilliant cook. After dinner I spent some leisure time and chated with Mr Basu about different types of Massage Oil. His knowledge of the 'Spots' amazed me. After he offered his services to me I politely told him 'may be later' and retired for the night.
I waited till I heard the Basus snore and then in the dark I opened my i pad (again custom built by Steve himself). Well I didn't come here for holiday, I was on an assignment. I was given a face and the url to this blog. I tracked all details that I could get from the blog and within two hours I found this blog's owner's name, address, account numbers ...everything. My mission was to find him and take him out. He seemed a easy target but the problem was that I had to make a very clean job. In and out with no witnesses. I chalked out a plan in my head and went to bed. The Basu cooking wonderful was not agreeing well with my stomach. No wonder in my brief it was mentioned 'BEWARE OF GAS'.

Ohhh damn it..... my superior is calling me. I have to report in. Will write more... the story has just started so stay hooked on to this I'LL BE BACK........
 

Nothing Better To Do - Lets Molest

Yet again and again the people on the streets define the country I am a citizen of. A citizen by force not by choice. You are dilly dallying on the street far off and you see a girl in jeans shorts and black t barely 18 and you decide how wonderful lets beat her and strip her naked. As a matter of fact you gather your friends and all of them at the same time is thinking the same thing. Well who is stopping? You plunge in and strip naked the girl in public.


http://www.ndtv.com/article/guwahati/video-of-guwahati-mob-molesting-girl-shames-police-into-action-242759

Now Guwahati is quite popular for making women run naked on the street so is other cities and villages in India. Every time we localize the issue to the particular area and put in our Facebook protests. We the proud dumb Indians do not understand that its not the place but the people who are to be blamed. Individual MEN.  How the word men puts my existence to shame. The Park Street incident in Kolkata shocked us but our Chief Minister stole the show with her crazy comments. After that people were in a frenzy to rape women. People like you and me.  20 men beat up a girl on the streets and and stripped her. By the way we men who saw the video on Ndtv did notice that the girl was wearing a bluish bra. Don't be shocked but that's how our mind works. "Men will be Men after all." Ha Ha its not funny anymore.

But everybody by this time has already seen the news. So what point am I trying to put across in this blog. Well I am writing this to give a penny for your thought. Those who have read the news will know that four men have been arrested already (out of 20 who were there). What happens next? These men I am hoping will go to jail and rot there. But that is all that will happen. If we take their mother and sisters out on the street and abuse them we will be called Taliban extremists, we chop of their balls - we will be called again Taliban extremists. We give them the safe haven of prison and then and then only we will be called civilized law abiding citizens. Well let me tell you. If this girl would have been m own sister I wouldn't have bothered to be a law abiding citizen but do we have much choice ! Ah! but for you Two and a Half Men will start in Star World shortly so you are itching to close our machine and watch the sit com to learn new tricks from Charlie Sheen. Oh and also you are thinking about voicing your protest in the coming slutwalk. You  even got a torn jeans saved for that  - haven't you you NAUGHTY BOY! 

My penny for your thought is lost - all that your brain has registered till now is that the girl was wearing a bluish bra. "Men will be Men after all."

ISI NORTH KOREA PLOTTING TO KILL MAMATA BANERJEE

What a mess what a mess What a mess. The centre does not inform her on important
issues like Oil Price hike but she receives death threats from North Korea, Venezuela
and Hungary.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/mamata-banerjees-conspiracy-allegations-draw-ridicule-rom-indian-communist-party/2012/05/23/gJQAvG2dkU_story.html

Recently she voiced her fear to Washington Post and my God! They even printed it. As usual
Pakistan (ISI) is also believed to be involved.
Well can she be penalised if she stays alive for the coming 40 years? Only time can tell.
I can bet on the fact that if challenged she will say that, "I don't have the proof now but I will
tell the CBI people who have no important work at present to verify these threats". If there is
a threat it is a serious matter but I don't think North Korea, Venezuela and Hungary have the
time or the enthusiasm to target her. She must realise that she is just a small dot in the ring of
international politics and there are larger fishes to fry. Nobody is bothered what she does and
says. Rather, branding people Maoist without any proof has become quite a regular thing for
her.
And what’s the use of saying all these sensational things to draw attention when ‘The
Mamata Banerjee’ can’t even facilitate foreign investment in West Bengal.
Regarding American investment in West Bengal, she said: "We cannot offer what other
states can offer, because of our situation - but we can extend our cooperation from the
heart. ....."We can touch your heart, but maybe not financially."
http://ibnlive.in.com/news/isi-north-korea-plotting-to-kill-me-mamata/260662-37-64.html
Rather than putting up lamp posts resembling her party symbol she should try to bring these
investments in so that we can have a job. I don't need a healing touch on my heart what I need
is a healing touch on the state which both Mamata and I so dearly love.
PS: Like always I will again declare that I am not a communist or a Maoist, I am R.K.
Laxman's common man and I voted for Mamata Banerjee and she is not doing a good job to
get my Votes for future elections.

Mamata Banerjee and her Maophobia

Dear Mrs Hillary Clinton 


Hope this reaches you in good mood. I am sure FBI and CIA will track this post in no time and alert you of its content. At least some movies and books claims these security and intel organisations are very effective. I stay in West Bengal Kolkata and I am not a communist nor am I a Maoist. Neither was I when I was perusing my Mass Communication Post Graduate Diploma from Jadavpur University, Kolkata. Yes it is an undeniable fact that many of our professors were CPI(M) inclined and the college from where I had done my Under Grad Studies with English Hons was renowned for being CPI(M) sympathiser. But like many of my batch mates I remained apolitical in practise and spent much time with my then girlfriend and few friends. Now I work in cultural sectors doing projects. 


Now that the introduction is done let me get to the point. You recently visited Kolkata and it gives me great pride that you enjoyed your brief stay here. Its a shame that you politicians cant stay long in one place or else the opposition will start commenting on how you are wasting public money. But do come again when you retire with your own money along with your family. The Victoria Memorial will still be here along with roadside tea stalls to welcome you. But I hope that you don't get to our present Chief Minister whom you liked so much. I don't know whether you said nice things about her just for the sake of friendly relations but if they were from your heart then i doubt your understanding of people. It may also be that you are not aware of her recent bloopers which bought shame to me as a citizen of my state. I am regretting the fact that I had given a vote in her favour and kicked out the blood thirsty Communist Government. Now I know that you Americans are touchy about the word communist and anybody who fights against them you see them as heroes. Plus there is that GIRL friend factor also. Your comment after receiving  Century Award at the New York Women's Foundation Breakfast.

Mamata Banerjee with Hillary Clinton

"I went last week to West Bengal in East India and had two remarkable experiences - meeting the newly elected chief minister, a woman, who on her own started a new political party and built that political party over many years, and just successfully ousted Communist Party that had been in office for 30, 34 years or so, and who is trying now to govern a state with 90 million people in it,"
As reported by The Times Of India http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-05-11/india/31668923_1_rescue-girls-hillary-clinton-young-girl makes me feel that you are not aware of many things about your new found GIRL friend. Well I will tell you what she did 

http://ibnlive.in.com/videos/259252/mamata-faces-flak-for-calling-students-maoists.html

(West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee on Friday stormed out of a CNN-IBN show on one year of Trinamool Congress rule, after accusing the audience, which consisted of students, to be Maoists and CPM cadre.

The Trinamool Congress chief lost her cool and stormed out of the interactive TV session when members of the audience questioned her on the arrest of Jadavpur University professor Ambikesh Mahapatra and increased rate of crime against women in the state, including the controversial Park Street rape case.

Alleging that the professor was a member of the CPM cadre, the West Bengal Chief Minister said, "It is not a cartoon. We love cartoons. Cartoon is a different thing. He is a CPM man. He misused the e-mail of his society people without their consent. He forwarded it to 60 people."

Mamata also hit out at the CPM, accusing it of working hand-in-glove with the Maoists.CNN-IBN

While responding to the question on the cartoon controversy, Mamata slammed the students among the audience saying, "I know that Maoist people and CPM are putting up these questions."

The Chief Minister even went on to ask the girl student who had posed the question if she was a Maoist, asking, "Why students from outside Jadavpur University are not here?"

When asked by the students about crime against women in the state, the Chief Minister got furious. She argued there was no crime against women in the state, and accused the students of being CPM cadres and asking "Maoist questions".

Mamata claimed that it could even be verified that the members of the audience were Maoists and CPM cadres, and they were asking nothing but "questions of the Maoists and the CPM".......) As reported by CNN-IBN. http://ibnlive.in.com/news/mamata-faces-flak-for-calling-students-maoists/259252-37-64.html?ref=nf 

Regarding the Cartoon issue talked about earlier you can check out my previous post on that matter which has news links so that you can judge for your self. 

I still maintain the cartoon done by Herblock about him flashing Richard Nixon with Nixon's nose and chin placed quite compromisingly as my Facebook profile Pic. To me that is democracy. It amazed me from childhood how did Herblock survive after doing that cartoon. He should have been taken down by the spooks with a sniper. Freedom of Speech and Expression and mainly tolerance shown by America and specially Nixon during that time gave me a sense why America has achieved so much in its brief history. Even your family went through situations like these and let me tell you this doesn't matter how much it hurt ed you and your family members during that time the cartoonists who lampooned you guys are like super heroes to some people. Above all they are great Artists. But apparently our CM doesn't have the Tolerance factor in her. As a matter of fact she doesn't even understand the word. I am ashamed of her. It seems a female version Hoover is breathing down our neck to brand us Communist and Maoist. Her Maophobia is going out of hands and since the only option left is CPI(M) I don't know whom to vote next time. But if don't go to vote next time because of lack in choices well I will not be in a democratic scenario anymore.Well since you top brass people a kitty party friends try to make her understand what she is doing. At-least be informed yourself before being all praises about a person.

P.S. Two things:First I think you gave a embroidered piece of cloth to Mamata. Well it had spelling mistakes. We Bengali's are touchy about people getting Tagore poems wrong and second if I get arrested tomorrow please give me and my old mother refuge in your country. I assure you I will not even bleed RED if that can save my ass.

Regards

The doomed Sunday Snipper 

Chief Minister Making Funny Faces



The actual Image mailed by Ambikesh Mahapatra which took him to jail



"A Jadavpur University professor was arrested on Friday morning for allegedly spreading "anti-Mamata Banerjee" cartoons on the Internet. Ambikesh Mahapatra, a teacher with the Chemistry Department of the University, was picked up on Thursday night by the police for allegedly forwarding cartoons of Bengal Chief Minister and Trinamool Congress supremo Mamata Banerjee.

The cartoon based on Satyajit Ray's movie Sonar Kella, allegedly show Mamata and Railways Minister Mukul Roy discussing how to get rid of party MP Dinesh Trivedi. "



Herblock Cartoon on Richard Nixon



Well today it is really shameful that this happened. Already people have joined the blame game and are throwing dirt on each other. I have seen the said image and have even liked it and let me say it out loud that I have even shared it with my friends who in return have liked it. Mind you I am one of those who voted for Mamata in hope for a better government inspite of not having any political allegiance whatsoever. Blunders after Blunders made by this new government have made me feel ohhhh God we have created a monster. I am an amateur cartoonist and caricaturist and if Ambikesh Mahapatra gets prosecuted under any act then that will basically tell me that I will not have the right to draw political cartoons sitting in West Bengal. Overall as a vote giving citizen I find this impossible to accept.

There were times when cartoons changed governments worldwide because they reflected public sensibility. Cartoon wise the 'controversial image' is not a pure cartoon and is a play of images and Idea. But the word cartoon does not mean Cartoon Network, Alice In Wonderland and Disney. In light of this mess I would like to point out a simple search in google with Mamata Cartoons thus providing the Government with enough evidence to arrest people and put the charges of sedition.

I am so agitated right now that I am not being able to write more now. Its time for action which I will take it if this man is declared guilty. Will update soon......

ITS SHAKING BABY: Earthquake mischief in Kolkata

While talking about future budget plans with my boss someone form the next department comes rushing in "Earthquake Earthquake the chair seriously shook I tell you". We were so engrossed that we gave her a blank smile and didn't pay much heed to her. Our chairs didn´t shake a bit how come her`s did. Ahem... the last few words didn't come out right.

Well I was thinking a big truck was behind all this chaos but as I logged into Facebook......I found 20 posts with the word EARTHQUAKE. Well that was quick. I think this baby sign of calamity gave office goers a chance to log into Facebook and Twitter and inform their loved and dear ones "BABY ITS SHAKING". Oh and now there are posts that says "DID YOU GUYS FEEL IT!!!". All these office executives are leaving office early that's for sure.

But on a serious note the regular hail storm, rain and lightning are not being civil anymore and to join the club now comes earthquake in Kolkata. Well I don't want the world to come to an end it should still live for another 100 years so that my future imbecile great grand children can go down with it if they want. I will just say  " Dear ones I tried, I tried to save the world by supporting Al Gore and Greenpeace but then what the hell am I suppose to do if the bloody earthquakes make mischief. "



For those who wants to know more about the mischievous earthquake visit
http://www.incois.gov.in/DSSProducts/Product_NTWC/dss120411083800_index_NTWC_pub.htm



OHHHH Shit now its really scary People please listen and listen carefully a TSUNAMI alert has been declared which is to hit at 3:46pm. Kolkata Metro service has been stopped and people in Rajarhat and Saltlake offices are all out on the street. If it shakes one more time I tell you man ....... there will be no man left. DONT PANIC but dont be TOO LAZZYYYY also. More updates to come in......if there is any.




Ahhhhhhhhhhh Relief.. No threat of Tsunami. Well Union Home Secretary RK Singh says so. Got it over with people now please get inside your office and stop SHAKING..... Oh and one more thing what a lovely cloudy weather all my dear Bengali Lover boys get your pen and paper out and get cracking....

Indian Passport: Love Hate and Anticipation 1

Applying for my Passport for the FIRST TIME and since I had heard so many stories about peoples attempt in getting one I just thought why not share the whole process of mine with you all. By the way I am not going to violate any norms of National Security so you Government people don't you dare misinterpret my post and come calling on my doorstep.
After lot of persuasion I reached a level where I couldn't take it anymore of not having a passport and not having the option of visiting abroad. As this is right now a lean period in office for the arts programmers (people in accounts are right now in the spotlight) I thought its a good time to put my energy into this and get this passport issue done once and for all. Like an innocent lamb I entered the passport site and boom the devil was there with multiple links to fry my brain out. Calmly and quietly I ventured for the step by step  form fill up and by the end of it I was like wow its so easy. Great job Tata Consultancy Services (TCS) great job with this whole online application thing. With hope in my heart I submitted the form and asked for an appointment schedule. Thus started the roller coaster ride and after like 50 attempts I lost hope. Called up the toll free help line and found out that I gotta log in on Saturday at exactly 4pm in the afternoon and will be able to get things done. By this time I was still hopeful. But just to be sure I called up a friend of mine to learn more and she told me to "............hahahahahahahaha". Not the reaction I was looking for. She had applied for an Urgent (Tatkal) Passport where the Passport office claimed to take 15 days to deliver but it has been 14 days since she couldn't log in to the site. Her advise was wake up by 1o'clock in the nihgt reach passport office by 2am and by 4pm next morning your turn will come and wallah you will find yourself victorious. As the conversation rolled on we even thought of kidnapping the guy from Tata Consultancy Services (TCS) who was in-charge of building the whole site and make him tweak here and tweak there to get us the appointment schedule by torturing him (tickling him Asterix and Oblix style.)
Well that was all I could achieve today and now my head is so buzzed that the only song that is playing havoc inside my head is ....

The Passport Song

Those of you who already have their Passport pray for me that I can be brave and strong in this hour of ordeal. Will keep you all posted about this on Saturday. Good night.

Sleeping Editors make Kolkata Itch

" A tweet by @iPoonampandey was reproduced in t2 on March 19 because of a technical error. The Telegraph had no intention to hurt the sentiments of any community. We apologise for publishing the tweet. "

What a load of crap. How can a newspaper print a tweet without putting it under the editorial inspection in the first place? Either the editorial team was sleeping or they thought it’s quite hep to print something this nonsensical. I am not dumb enough to link it or post it in spite of the fact that this is my personal blog. Furthermore there is conscious effort in killing the story about the protest that brewed from it in Kolkata tonight. No information means more chaos Media should know that better. And furthermore the national news channels are killing this news too. Just because some media friend did a mistake and that erupted into a riot like situation in Kolkata (Park Circus Area) doesn't mean you stop making news out of it. One needs transparency in media. But in one way it’s good that the stupid media people (Since they have themselves proved their stupidity) are not taking up this story. God knows what they would have done. For 30 years my father was a journalist. He taught me to criticise media and not takes it in its face value. It is sad that tremendous hard work that he had done in his career today stands disgraced. Yes I agree there is lot of pressure on people in the news house but that doesn’t mean that you completely lose your mind .On top of all this they put up an apology like this (above mentioned). The apology should have been.

" A tweet by @iPoonampandey was reproduced in t2 on March 19 because of a technical error. The Telegraph had no intention to hurt the sentiments of any community. We apologise for publishing the tweet and we have sacked the team who are behind this negligence. "

Models are a beauty queen that’s their job they should not be made into opinion leaders. In today’s world superstars are made within seconds but they are superstars only in their business. Don’t make them Gods in things where they have no credibility. Hope this post finds more voices thus making it loud and clear and instead of firing innocents the media house that is The Telegraph (I don't need to politicaly correct here like our Chief Minister Mamta Banerjee who couldn't even take The Telegraphs name as if it was Lord Voldermort) should start firing those over paid fat baffoons from their cushy cabins and throw them into the street.

The Pizza Lullaby

The power of today's online advertising is sooooo cooollll. Well I should know it best for I was a Mass Communication student and had spent quite a number of years pursuing the career of a web designer. But everybody knows best. The reason I am suddenly awed by this is because after coming back from office I fell asleep  with the laptop on. But the damn phone wont give me any peace. After the call I woke up logged into Facebook and wallah its a new post from Pizza Hut advertising there assorted menu for garlic breads. In a half sleepy hungry state the mind became prey to this ad and now I am waiting eagerly for cheese garlic bread and a zesty chicken pizza with pepperoni toppings. Any moment now the pizza will be here and life will seem wonderful. A certain amount of childish excitement is brewing inside me. But all this new age advertising also distracts you a bit. In all this excitement I forgot to wish a dear friend of mine HAPPY BIRTHDAY and now that I have done that she is asking for a crate of beer. Well the purse is there to be emptied so what the heck. 

Ohhhh goody the Pizza is here and now I stop singing this song. 

Though its a  Domino's Pizza song its the best pizza song ever

Freud and Bengali Mutton Curry

Bengali Mutton Curry

Ahhhhhh back again. and the first thing that pops in my mail is my brother asking me what was there for lunch and also correcting my spellings. Well now that I have corrected my spellings why not further inform the wonderful sunday lunch that I had. Well as I ventured to take off the lid I found a deadly concussion with pieces of mutton and potato. Completely red in colour which had no delicious reassurance. Fried eggplant, some fried slices of potato and dahl. Ohh yes to mix it all up there was pristine white rice, innocence wrapped in a casserole. Thus the menu was in Bengali Bhat - Dahl - Begun Bhaja - Aloo Bhaja - Panthar Mangsho. Bengalis abroad will die for a lunch like this but those from foreign lands should never venture into this they will get burned inside.

Sigmund Freud

I am a fast eater and today I was even faster. After having the lunch it was definitely a heart attack that i was getting. Couldn't move much but the seasoned bengali appetite got it all down in no time. Of course to felicitate the digestion process I slept like a slob with strange dreams. I don't know whether Freud wrote about it or not but in tropical weather I have seen that a post lunch nap issues more dreams than in the night. Opps i just wrote something I shouldn't have written. My god what a sin. I just hope that this blog post gets lost in the web. If any Bengali intellectual or as a matter of fact any individual who has read the back cover synopsis of Interpretations of Dreams they will just keep on commenting and commenting and commenting thus making sure that i find myself in an asylum. But alas I will continue.
And what more to say, Politics trying to get some mileage over cricket. In one hand Pakistan made 330 runs and India chasing it like some Bollywood villain and on the other hand its the India's Rail Minister playing the lead role in a sentimental thriller sit com "I will leave my Chair huh!" Dinesh Trivedi best of luck.

Little Red Riding Hood with Grandma Wolf

Ohhh no, again wrong statements, now I am seriously dead. I should start writing about sexual repression and gender biased fairy tales. But noooooo some English Literature student will spank my butt just for kicks. I think its the traumatic red mutton curry that is acting up now. 

Lets rest the case here and go back to facebook. I just don't want to miss whatever is left of this Sunday which is rapidly coming to an end. Oh and just for information its the same bloody old Mutton curry that is there for Dinner this time with Roti.

Adele singing whats there for lunch

Is there any reason to feel sad when its already afternoon and you still haven't taken your shower haven't had your lunch and all you are doing is lying around and listening to Adele - Make you feel my love in a constant loop and your pack of twenty cigarettes is almost empty? The house is empty and the curtains are drawn and because of late payment Vodafone has cut done my outgoing facilities. 

Adele performing in 2009 

There I go again I pressed the replay button damn that girl Adele.

Well after a crazy week of back to back events, parties, anonymous phone calls  and hospitals my fatigued brain cells have made it impossible to think straight. We Bengalis have this great quality of being extremely lazy and can spend hours without moving a single muscle but its just difficult to put the mind at ease. We are thinking global economy and whats there for lunch at the same time. I think we justify our physically vegetable state by over working of our brain, end of the day we are back to square one fatigued to the core of our bones.

In my case one such thought that is popping up is to redecorate my room. But with my salary vanishing quickly out of my account what ever I am thinking the practical SOB inside me is crushing it down. But none the less I am hopeful that I will be able to execute most of my desired decorations by next month. I have even done copious amount of sketches of how my room should look and on paper I have achieved quite a satisfactory plan. Now its time just for the right kind of motivation. Well I could have told my girlfriend to motivate me but she will beat the hell out of me if she gets to know that I am again upto spending money. Plus right now I am playing the role of the motivator trying to get her finish her PhD proposal which she needs to submit to one university whose last date of submission is tomorrow. Ouch! that hurts. I can already feel her invisible pinches for writing this.

Looking at her study and write made me so jealous. I also want to do it but sadly I never had any stamina to venture into academics. I think I am like those sages beneath the banyan tree who is very happy to give out wisdom (Not Free Ones) in one session and then just leave it to lesser mortals to figure the damn thing out. Ouch! again the invisible pinches.

Actually I come from a quite an academic family with grandfathers as renowned professors and  psychologist  my mother as a teacher of English to my father as journalist and my brother as a Cambridge University St John's College research scholar. Me, I am the black sheep of the family. With my inherited qualities I opted for being in the field than in the realms of theories. 

Urrrggghhhhh.... no point crying over spilled milk now that i my mind has drifted to whats there for lunch lets just go and have it. 

Adele just one more time if you please sing that song again dear ..... Loop loop loop ........